February 15, 2012.
Following an uncomfortable interview, I am lead to a room I'll be occupying for the week. I look to my right and see nothing but a bed and an extremely uncomfortable-looking pillow. The walls are dull and gray and I'm wondering if this is a hospital or a jail.
How had my life gotten to this point? I went from this happy-go-lucky go-getter girl to an emotionally disturbed teenager in a hospital bed at a neuropsychiatric institute.
With nothing but a fleece blanket and a Valentine bear from a dear friend, I had never felt so alone and misunderstood. I was scared out of my whits about not having my phone for a week, (Yes, we had some emotional attachment issues- what can I say? I was a wild teenager) not knowing what was going to happen next, and not knowing what these horrible people were going to make me do.
Little did I know that this experience would be the turning point of my entire existence. When a person is left in a room alone with nothing but a bear and a blanket, that person's mind will more often than not wander at an absurdly unreasonable rate to depths of the brain not even discovered. I was no exception to this as I laid in bed and swam through feelings of self doubt and bitterness. As the cloud got deeper, I remembered that there was someone who actually knew what I was experiencing. He knew because He lived through it.
Wonder and awe filled my mind as I finally realized that someone had been waiting for me to turn to them through all of these months of misery and depression, and this someone was only a prayer away.
That week I had the opportunity to establish a relationship with my Heavenly Father that had never been established. Before I knew it, we were having hourly chats and I knew Him. It was as if all of the sudden a light came on in my brain. I knew that He was with me. I knew that He loved me. And most of all I knew that He had already felt everything I was feeling at this exact moment.
After that hospital stay, my life changed. I started to see the Lord's hand every day- not because His hand wasn't there previously but because I finally started looking for the right things. I started loving myself and loving the people around me who had truly supported me through such a difficult time in my life. I started seeing four green lights in a row as not merely a coincidence but a tender mercy as I was running late to work.
These are the things I live for- the tender mercies of the Lord. They are everywhere. They come in all forms. They involve all kinds of people. (And did I mention they often come in the form of sugary delights from your inspired neighbors?)
Even in my darkest hour, tender mercies were there- they came in the form of phone calls with my best friend, delicious cookies from my favorite aunt, visits from those who truly loved me.
And they didn't stop there! These tender mercies continue over and over again in my life every day. May we take the time each day to simply find them and appreciate the little moments of joy that God presents every day.
Here's to two years of recovery from an emotional disorder that made me the happiest I could possibly ever be! Happy Anniversary of recovery to me myself and I.
I love all of you wonderful lovely people. Thank you for reading!
Xoxo,
Han
