How It Feels to Lose the Spirit

When Joseph Smith saw the Savior for the first time he described at first a darkness that surrounded him that felt almost tangible. Then following the darkness came the most beautiful pillar of light, followed by the Savior himself.

In the Doctrine and Covenants 88:67 the Lord describes the power of light, "And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things."

Both of these scenarios describe something that is all too familiar to me. We don't talk often enough in the church about just how real Satan is and the power that he can have over us if we let him. Depression has given me keen insight into this reality. In fact, just today I experienced an awful taste of what used to be surrounding me on a constant basis: this darkness and fear that comes directly from Satan. 

With the presence of Satan comes nothing but darkness, the opposite of light and truth from the Gospel. I know that Satan and his devils are with me when I feel any combination of these things: frustration, anger, confusion, bewilderment, lost, alone, undetermined, insignificant, misguided, unworthy, and/or hopeless. 

When Satan is with me I feel as if all hope is lost. I feel like I am a failure of a person, a failure of a friend, daughter, and sister. When Satan is with me I feel unworthy to have the spirit. And ultimately when Satan is with me, I forget that I am a daughter of God.

I testify that Satan is real. I know this because I have felt his presence in my life. And even though I feel his temptations often, I know that through Jesus Christ, I have power over Satan. He cannot control me. No matter what. That is not the plan of this Gospel. I know that Heavenly Father is waiting for us to ask for His help. We have the choice to reach out to Him and pull away from Satan. I hope we all may be able to do so. 

The Savior lives. 

In the name of Jesus Christ amen.

I pulled a lot of my thoughts from my favorite talk by Elder Holland called Cast Not away Therefore Your Confidence. It's a great read!