Here are some interesting statistics I found about depression:
54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness.
41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help.
These statistics go hand-in-hand with what Hannah & I hope to accomplish, which is erasing the stigma that comes with depression! Depression is an illness that we shouldn't be embarrassed about, nor should we be afraid of it. Here is an awesome article I found on how to rid a stigma:
Hope you all are having a wonderful easter :)


Sometimes I Get So Lonely I Wish I Was Alone

One of the talented girls we went to high school with , Kiri, was kind enough to send us these lyrics to her song about her experience with depression! Check out her video posted here. Thank you so much for sharing this, Kiri! It's truly beautiful and very adequately describes how depression really feels.

Sometimes I cry to remind myself I still can
Sometimes I question everything that makes me who I am
Sometimes I turn around just to see where I've been
Sometimes I look forward and forget the mess I'm in
Sometimes I get so lonely that I wish I was alone
Sometimes I refuse to even answer the phone
Sometimes I lie in bed all the way until noon
Sometimes I sigh and hope that the end will come soon
Well I know sometimes I'll face defeat
But I know sometime I'll get back on my feet
The cold days will fly by
The sun will warm the sky
But til then, just let me cry
Sometimes I can't manage a laugh or even a grin
Sometimes I feel apathy crawl back in
Sometimes I can't sleep a wink until dawn
Sometimes I feel all my passion is gone
Sometimes it hurts trying to let things go
Sometimes I feel things that I don't always show
Sometimes I don't want to wake up anymore
Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing it all of this for
Well I know sometimes I'll face defeat
But I know sometime I'll get back on my feet
All I can do is try
Though I don't quite know why
But for now, just let me cry


Quote of the week

A cute, quick little quote for you on this freezy Saturday night!
"Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." ~Rainer Maria Rilke
Keep holding on. You'll hear me say it 100 times over and over; it gets better. Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!


Drop of Sunshine

Hey all! Alyson here with our blog post for the day.

If you're like me and saw the snow outside today... you were ticked. Isn't it supposed to be springtime? So, here's a little drop of sunshine for our desert daisies out there!

I found this little image on Pinterest (of course!).
We girls with depression have faults, just like everybody else, and I want to remind you ladies the importance of learning to love yourself. I know that I had an extremely low self esteem when I was dealing with so much sadness and rejection, and I felt like I was broken and no one would be able to accept me for what I am.
It's not true! I would accept me for who I am!
It may come with time, or it may come tomorrow, but learning to love yourself and all of your flaws is part of the journey we take in healing! The more you learn to love yourself, the sooner you will start to feel better.
Be your own best friend, and nothing else will matter.


Why the Heck am I Writing This?

This blog has literally started to consume my life. Ask anyone that has talked to me within the past few days and they will tell you a rather sad tale of my constant complaining of "ah, it's not good enough. Ah we aren't getting enough views!!" I really could go on and on. 

After all this stressing out over nothing and just overall frustration, the thought finally came to me, why the heck am I writing this blog?

There are so many things on my mind telling me that this is just crazy: 
1. I am not into the whole "spill my emotional secrets to the world" thing. 
2. I feel completely inadequate to be the voice for depression. There are so many people much more experienced than I am that could do much better. 
3. I am a perfectionist and no matter how hard I try this blog will NEVER be perfect. There will always be something I want to change with the design, there will always be SOMETHING getting in the way of my idea of what this blog should be. 
4. I am not a perfect person. As awesome as it sounds that I somewhat "conquered" depression, I really haven't. There are some days when I feel just as crummy as I did my senior year of high school.

Despite all of these feelings of self-doubt and inadequacies that I feel, I have this undying love and passion for people who suffer from emotional illnesses. And even if you don't have a "diagnosed" emotional illness, we've all got emotional problems.
We will all struggle with some sort of sadness at some point even if it isn't exactly depression. And as awkward as it is for me to tell everyone how hard it was to have depression, I want people reading this to know that I'm a real person! I have emotions other than just happy and crazy. I mess up. A lot. Like holy cow it's unbelievable! 

But I have this drive for helping people come closer to the Savior. I want anyone to be able to read this blog and think, "Yeah I mess up, but I don't have to be perfect," OR "That really was what I needed to hear." Just even those little thoughts will have achieved my purpose for this blog.
Is my purpose to rant about how horrible my life was senior year? Most definitely not. In fact, it wasn't even that horrible!  I still had just as wonderful of friends then as I did now, I had an awesome job working with kids I loved, I had a good life and I still do. 

I would like to argue, rather, that my point is really to get people to come to Christ. Go to Him. I don't care what religion you are, but I can promise you that with a foundation based upon Jesus Christ you really cannot fail. You just won't. I am living proof that when we rely on Him, everything else seems to fall into place. It may take time. It may take hours of tears and frustration. It may take getting hurt really badly, but for those people who build their foundation upon the Savior, 
blessings do come. 

This is my "go to" Mormon message for every problem I've ever had. I absolutely love this!! Hope you do too! And three cheers for it finally being the weekend! (well almost...)

Depression was a Blessing. Weird, Right?

Doesn't it sound crazy saying that a huge blessing came when I was at the lowest point in my life? It seems so strange but depression truly has blessed my life in more ways than I ever thought possible. Although there are tons of ways it has helped me, here are my top five:

1. I was never alone. Even when I would sit in my bedroom all day on a Saturday and cry my eyes out, I was never completely alone. I forgot that I could always have the Savior to comfort me. Not only Him, but I had so many friends and family members that were behind me who loved me so much. My instant thought when I wanted to die was that no one would even be phased by my being gone and that was so not true at all! The Savior was always there with me pushing me to keep going. And I'm sure glad that He did!

2. Patience is absolutely essential. There were so many days that I would get so frustrated that I wasn't better that it would actually make my depression worse. If I would've just been a little more patient with the situation I think I could've improved my situation more on my own. Not only that but depression took a LONG time to heal. I thought I would never get better but after developing more patience my situation started to improve. 

3. It's okay to ask for help. This was a huge one for me! I am not one to ask for help. Ever. My mom is the same way. I was just raised in a family where the women just do it all and never need help. When I had depression, I was left with really no choice but to ask for help. There were nights when I'd call one of my best friends just bawling and telling her I needed her right then. Luckily I was extremely blessed and she'd come over right away and hug me. I realize not everyone has that option! But everyone has someone they can ask for help and that is our Savior, Jesus Christ. He will always come to our rescue. It's so humbling to do this but I promise you it is highly effective.

4. Depression really doesn't make any sense. It just doesn't. People would say to me all the time, "Hannah just stop thinking sad and start thinking happier." Depression doesn't work like that. It's not always a choice between being depressed or being happy. And sometimes it just sucks. But with the days that suck there will always be better days ahead. 

5. Always try to look for the good. I read this quote on Pinterest somewhere that says, "It's not a bad life, just a bad day." This thinking is key to getting through depression! There will definitely bad days and bad weeks but it's not a bad life! Amidst all the bad there will ALWAYS be something good. Even if it is just the fact that you have food or clothes. Gratitude won't fix depression but it most definitely helps. 


5 Lessons

Hey! Alyson here.
During this whole process of dealing and living with depression, I have learned a lot of lessons. These are my top 5:
1. Family is the most important thing in the world.
     During my most trying times, I have learned that family is of the utmost importance. When I was admitted to the hospital down in St. George, as soon as my mom heard the news, she dropped everything and made the four hour drive to be by my side. She ended up living with me for three weeks, sleeping in my bedroom for two of them. My relationship with my parents has gotten so much better, so much closer, and I don't know where I would be without them. I want to thank them for everything they have done for me, and everything that they continue to give me.
     I also want to thank my extended family. They have all told me how proud they are of me, and remind me constantly that I am loved by so many people. Thank you.
2. Love is not worth your life.
     I learned this one the hard way, obviously. I was trying everything in my power to show this person that I loved so much, that I loved them. I almost gave up my life to prove it, and I hear so many stories about young people ending their lives because a relationship ends. It breaks my heart because I know how they feel; that sometimes it hurts so bad that you don't even want to live with it. But I just want to say that you CAN and you WILL survive it. Just keep holding on. The heartbreak goes away. It may take a very long time, but it gets better.
     "There is a time and a place for committing to someone that strongly," my therapist told me. "and I don't want you giving up on love. But next time, if it ends, don't throw your life at it."
3. The human spirit is stronger than you think.
     It amazes me every single day how broken the spirit can get, and how it can come right back from it. It took me a long time to feel how I do today, and I still have a long way to go, but to look back six months from now and see how I've changed... I am amazed. This I owe to my Savior, Jesus Christ. If you will come to Him humbly, having faith in His plan and in His power, He will heal you. He will carry you through anything.
4. Beauty comes from breaking.
     There is a quote from the movie "Eat. Pray. Love." that I adore:
     "Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."
     Once something, even a person, is broken down until you are only your core self, you can start to build up from nothing. You can recreate yourself. You can become anything you want to be. You can be a stronger, more profound person that you once were. Like she said, ruin is a gift.
5. True friends will never leave you.
     Depression, to many people, is too scary to deal with. Many people don't want to deal with someone who has depression, and so they choose to leave; they choose to walk away. I have seen this in my own life, and I have lost a lot of people because of this mental illness. But I have also seen friends come to my aid in the most tender of ways. I have found out who really cares about me, and who was just pretending. I want to thank all of the people (you know who you are) who have loved me and accepted me just the way I am, depression included. I love you, and I will never be able to thank you enough for being there for me.
So, there you have it! Happy First Day of Spring!


Everybody Knows Somebody.

Who do you know? 
Make a list of your 4 top friends. If you don't have a top four, the last four people you talked to today!
Chances are 1 out of these 4 people has struggled or will struggle with depression at some point in their life. 
So, who DO you know? 

This is what we look like when we laugh. Cute right?

Completely Unrelated and Goofy: Alyson & I are sitting at Red Mango at the present time. Across the room there is a girl confessing her obsessive compulsive dating habits. Here are some direct quotes she commented to her darling grandmother: "I just realize that I should only be dating one person at a time. I mean one night I'm going out with Kody (name has been changed for confidentiality's purposes) and then the next night I'm with Dylan. They both just tell me how much they adore me." 

If you're Kody or Dylan, you have now been warned. 

Clearly we are both single... and seriously have been sitting on these comfy Red Mango benches peeing our pants. AND planning for hours about upcoming blog posts!

In the Meantime: Alyson & I have some super exciting plans for this blog too secret to share. But stay tuned! We will be posting every day for the next week!

If you have any questions about depression or really anything at all you'd like to see on the blog feel free to email us at thedesertdaisies@gmail.com!

Source: http://facts.randomhistory.com/random-facts-about-depression.html


It's Finished!!

After spending literally WEEKS trying to get this thing put together, Alyson and I are finally ready to launch our blog! We are so excited about the potential this has to inspire women who suffer from depression or any sort of emotional illness that there is hope and help. 

It is so humbling to finally have this finished. We owe a huge thank you to Paige Anderson (click on her name for a link to her blog) and Aly Marie Zollinger for our fabulous design! Couldn't have posted anything without them. 

And most of all thank you for even reading these couple of paragraphs! It's amazing to write things and know that people are reading them. 

Having a blog like this has been a dream of mine for a very long time! Look forward to our weekly updates on depression and how we can make a difference. Thanks for viewing! And we hope you have a fabulous first week of spring!

Hannah & Alyson

P.S. Keep scrolling down to view our stories and inspiration for this blog!


{Alyson: A Desert Daisy}

Hi! I’m Alyson, and this is my story.

            Living down in Saint George, Utah had been a heaven on earth for a 19 year old brunette. I was attending Dixie State College at the time and working graveyard shifts as a CNA at a nursing home. I was living in my aunt and uncle’s basement with a cousin near my same age, and dating a boy whom I was planning to marry. Through him, I had made many friends and we spent our days rock climbing and chasing the sun. I was in love: with the place, with the people, and with myself.
            I was diagnosed with panic disorder my senior year of high school when I had been complaining of insomnia. I was put on some regular medicine and sent on my way. But during the summer of 2012 I had decided that I no longer needed the medication. It didn’t seem to do anything for me anymore so I decided to fly free.
My anxiety slowly started to get worse, without me even knowing it or noticing. My boyfriend, on the other hand, did. He could tell that I was becoming needier than I usually was, and when school started up again in August my stress load got more intense. The more I clung to my boyfriend, the more he pulled away, and the vicious cycle, as well as some other issues, led us to break up.
I was now living alone (basically), drowning in school, working 12 hour night shifts, and dealing with a devastating heart-break.
“When anxiety goes unchecked, paired with a high-stress lifestyle, you were bound to develop depression.” my therapist told me later.
I would lie in bed all day after working all night, and the only thing that would stop the crying was the sleeping. That’s all I remember September and October being; all sleeping and crying and spiraling into a place I had never known before. I started drinking with some friends of mine, and I tried to cope by asking my mom to email me a list of therapists I could see. I started seeing a woman once a week. I thought she was a hippy.
And then one night someone who I loved more than anything in the world told me that I was no longer welcome in their life. I knew I was going to hang myself. It would be so easy, it would be so relieving, and I had just the place for it. It was in that moment that something inside of my brain shut off and something else took over. My religion tells me it was the Spirit of God; my psychology professor tells me it’s an animal survival instinct. Whatever it was, all I know is I blurred through getting dressed, gathering my things, and driving myself to the emergency room.
I spent three to four days in a room with only a bed. Just a bed and a woman who had to watch me go to the bathroom, to take a shower. I saw no one, heard no one, and asked the male nurse for more Ativan, a medication that helps calm someone down. It made me groggy and numb, and I was in and out of consciousness for those hellish three days. I got out on Halloween Night 2012.
I made a pact with myself that I would never go back to that place. So I started seeing my therapist three times a week, who was working hand-in-hand with a nurse practitioner to get me back onto some medicine. I feel that I owe my life to those two women.
As mentioned by Hannah, we started this blog to bring together women who suffer from this mental illness, or any mental illness in general. We want to put a familiar face on something that people seem to misunderstand. I felt so alone with all of this, and I strive every day to be there for someone else. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I felt.
Four and a half months later I am living in Orem in an apartment with five girls. I just recently returned from a vacation with three girls I consider my sisters. I take my four pills on-time, I work with seniors in their home, and I spend every Sunday evening with my family, come rain or shine. I have my weak moments, but I am healing. I am radiant. I am a survivor of depression.


{Han: One of Our Desert Daisies}

I'm Hannah. I'm a mormon, a closet ukulele enthusiast, a college student and I suffer from major depressive disorder.

I was a senior in high school when I had my first real experience with depression and it was awful. I felt completely alone. No matter whom I talked to, no one could ever truly understand what I was feeling. I was doing all of the right things (or at least trying) but I still wasn't happy. I tried EVERYTHING to fix my mood I:
Wrote Songs
Attempted to eat my weight in cupcakes
Didn't eat at all (I don't recommend it)
Attempted relearning guitar
Served People

And yet with all these decently good (some not so good) things, nothing was changing! I was miserable and felt that I was going to be stuck like this forever.

After some pretty scary experiences, I decided that this was not something I could fix on my own. I needed some serious help. After meeting with a therapist for months and still not feeling like myself, I asked my mom to check me into a neuropsychiatric unit for people with emotional disorders.

I was officially humbled as I laid in my hospital bed that night unable to have hardly any contact with the outside world. I had never felt more alone than I did in that moment. I needed comfort. And as I lay there utterly distraught I remembered our Savior, Jesus Christ.

As Mormons are Christians, we believe that Jesus Christ was a real person who suffered all of the things we experience in this life: heartaches, sins, and even my depression. We also believe in a Heavenly Father whom we can pray to any time and anywhere. When I finally remembered these beautiful truths that night, I was reminded of the power that the grace of the atonement can provide for each of us through our trials.

One week later and I was out of the hospital feeling refreshed and ready to change my life around! Were things perfect and depression-free after that point? Definitely not. However, my burden was made much lighter through Jesus Christ.

It's been over a year since I went to the hospital and I have been able to accomplish so many things that I never thought I would be able to do! I graduated high school, I'm attending college, I got to send my friends off on LDS missions, and life has been wonderful.

So how did I get to this point where I'm now blogging about my emotional experiences? Well, after my depression started to become much less intense, I realized that I desperately wanted to help others who may be struggling with things similar to what I went through. I want people with depression and other emotional issues to know that they're not alone. There is hope, help and happiness!

Hence my good friend Alyson and I came up with the idea to create this open forum blog. We want all kinds of people- Mormons, Non-mormons, Christians or Non-Christians, to be able to discuss with us their experiences with emotional disorders.
I'm Hannah. I'm a Mormon, a hater of dishes, a lover of ice cream, and I am a survivor of depression.