Cookies are Good for the Soul

And then the professor says, "Friends are an essential part of life. We all need truly genuine friends who we can spend time with and share our concerns with..."

Well boy, I think, I better get me some of those friends he's talking about. I walk home and feel this huge burden as these thoughts start coming to me, "Han, you have no friends and you've accomplished nothing. You can't go to this school. It's too hard. Time to quit. Move on to something else."

Wait what?! I've accomplished nothing? Then it hits me, Satan has popped in for a visit. 

At this point I have two potential plans of action: 

A. I can say, "Ya know what, you're right Satan. I don't have any friends and I'm so lonely. My life sucks," and simply feed off of my own misery 

OR 

B. I can say, "I am a little lonely today. Hm.. who should I call? Who needs some help today?" 

I know what you're thinking, obviously I should pick the latter. But since when do I ever make the right decision the first time? My thoughts spiral incessantly downward as I think of friends of mine who haven't contacted me that should have, boys that I think should be asking me out but are mysteriously mysterious, the list goes on and on...

THEN finally I resort to the one thing that never fails in these situations: I make cookies and eat them all. 

After wallowing in my misery for much longer than I should have whilst also eating a pound of freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies, I finally come to my senses. Now I'm thinking, Being lonely is the worst. So what am I going to do about it? How am I going to fix this? After some lds.org searching I realize my problem: I was focused so much on how lonely I was that I was actually making myself even more lonely. 

So I buck up. I realize that it's up to me to not feel this way. I start doing dishes for my roommates, even though I'm not exactly thrilled about it. I start thinking of a great service project I want to be invested in, I start reading the scriptures and all of the sudden, I'm not so lonely anymore. I do have friends and family who love me! And my life is pretty good! 

This my friends is what I like to call a typical Han's QLC- Quarter Life Crisis. We all have these crises every once and a while where life just seems too much to handle. Whether it's because you just broke up with someone you thought you loved, you bombed a test you studied really hard for, whatever the case may be, we all have these QLCs. And you know who LOVES these? Satan. Satan loves when he can catch us in the middle of our misery because that's when he can start attacking us most- at our lowest point. 

DO NOT LET HIM DO THIS. 

You are better than Satan! And you've got so much to live for. Don't let him convince you that you're worthless, lonely and you should just quit. Can you imagine the satisfaction you could potentially give Satan if you just give up altogether? Don't do it! If anything for the sake of winning against the worst enemy we've ever had. 

And if the loneliness you feel is still too much to handle, reach out to someone. Someone like me who really needed a friendly phone call today and got one. Someone out there like me needs a someone like you! You are important. Don't let yourself be a waste of space simply because Satan is making you feel that way. Teach him a lesson and go serve- tell your kids you love them, give your roommates a hug, pick up the husband's socks for the eightieth time, just do something! (And if your mind is still completely blank on what service to do, bring me cookies dang it! Just kidding.. really that would only be a disservice to my poor sugar-infested body. But I'm sure there is someone you know who could use some cookies! Think, think, think!)

Here's to wishing you a fabulous week of finding tiny little service opportunities. 

xoxo, 

Han 

P.S. Thanks to a lovely best friend of mine for inspiring this post, you know who you are. ;)

P.P.S. Please don't tell my roommates I ate cookies. I swore I would be off of them. Do you think they'll smell them when they get home? I'm out of excuses. New life motto: When in doubt, eat the cookie. 

Major Setbacks.

Setback (n.): a change in status for the worse, usually temporarily.

If you're anything like me, you read that definition and thought, well that sucks. And yeah... it does. However, did you notice the last word of that definition?

...Temporarily...

I have been experiencing some major setbacks over the past few weeks. My busy schedule is getting the best of me and I'll be honest, I am a total mess.

These thoughts keep running through my head: "Han, you are a failure. You're going back to how you used to be! Even though you're trying to teach these people that there is hope and happiness on the way, you don't even believe it yourself."

 To this I reply: "STUPID, SATAN. What a liar."

I am NOT a failure simply because my depression has been harder to handle over the past few months. This doesn't define me. I'm still Han the girl that Can. (Cute how Han rhymes with everything huh?) So yeah I had a setback.. I'm a human. Woop dee doo! But guess what.

Because I am a human that means that I have a Savior, Jesus Christ who has been through this already! He knows my struggles and He is there. Does this mean that I will always feel His spirit with me and have just a nice little life full of frolicking through the daisies? Um... no. Definitely not.

But this does mean that I have a loving Heavenly Father who is watching out for me day in and day out who loves me infinitely. He loves me when I am depressed. He loves me when I'm happy. He loves me even when I don't deserve it.

I put this picture on the desktop of my laptop. It is one of the most beautiful and profound quotes I have ever added to my infinite quote collection. (See post below for more on this inspired talk.)

I highly suggest you do this too! Post this picture somewhere you will see it everyday. And remember that our Heavenly Father loves you. No matter what.

And setbacks are only temporary.

| Han |

| Small Victories |

Wow. That's about the only word I can use to describe the sheer brilliance and beauty of General Conference a couple of weeks ago. Although all of the messages shared contained much wisdom and revelation, Elder Holland's address in particular gave such incredible insights specifically relating to emotional/mental health. And boy did he ever share those things with gusto!

As I was re-watching Elder Holland's talk tonight, trying to come up with what particular point I wanted to address in this post, I noticed something I hadn't picked up on the first time I listened to this talk. 

He said, "If [they] are only small victories, be grateful for them." Small Victories. I love that idea of accomplishing simple and small things every day, every hour, and every week. 

I was reminded by a dear friend this evening that small victories are what brought me through depression. Small victories are the things that continue to bring me through depression on the daily. 

Even if you feel like you have nothing left to offer, you feel burned out, exhausted, and tarnished, there will always be a small victory you have achieved. You may have simply gotten out of bed and dealt with a really rough day. That totally counts as a small victory! Perhaps you held the door open for someone walking into a building behind you- small victory! 

Don't ever undervalue the preciousness of your small victories. This week I am going to focus on the little things I accomplish every day through our Savior, Jesus Christ. For with Him, all things are truly possible. 

In case you missed Elder Holland's talk, here it is:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/print/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng

Suicide Prevention Week

On the outside, many people may see me as just your typical Mormon. I come from a big family, I have more cousins than I could count on all my fingers and toes, I go to a church school, and I do church things more often than I don't.

But I bet the people that only see me in that particular light would never believe that I used to contemplate ending my life on a regular basis.

As you may know, this week is Suicide Prevention Week.
My heart aches for the many people who have fallen victim to this terrible emotional defeat.

Thankfully, there is hope! There is a light. And I figured the best way to celebrate the prevention of such a terrible thing is to give you a quick list, 5 things you can do to convince yourself that life is worth living or to convince someone else that their life is valuable.

1. Never forget the impact one person can make. You may not even realize how much your actions can affect people you don't even know, but they will and they do.

2. You are loved. Despite what you may feel, there will always be someone who loves you- a roommate, a teacher, a parent, a sibling.

3. Find an outlet. If you are feeling miserable or discouraged, I encourage you to find a way to get those feelings out- paint something, do some yoga, just find something to do so those feelings don't bottle up and become something much worse than what you're currently experiencing.

4. Keep yourself surrounded by people. Even if you feel like you just can't do it- get up, show up, and be present wherever you are.

5. Lastly, Look to God and live.

Remember: A person like you is too miraculous to replace. #suicidepreventionweek

The Monotony of Living

My Daily Routine (Well Sort of.. it's summer. No Routines Established)

Wake up

Contemplate working out

Justify that it's too early

Finally wake up two hours later

Eat breakfast

Shower if I'm feeling wild

Read a book

Go to work

Come home

Read some more

Go to bed

REPEAT. 

Does your life look anything like mine does? 

Do I hear the word monotonous somewhere in this often dull schedule of mine? Uh... yeah. 

As I've been contemplating the various questions of life in between my showering and "reading book time," I've been thinking about how monotonous life can really be. I mean think about it... every day there is dish-washing to be done, laundry to be folded, beds to be made, etc. But how often during these tasks do we really take time to just enjoy them? I know whenever I'm doing the dishes my first thought isn't "Yes, dishes!! My favorite!" Or "Oh my gosh! Look at those bubbles. How exciting." 

But if life has taught me anything it's all about the little things. (The Little Things by Carlos Bertonatti)

The little things like  putting on deliciously fresh smelling clothes after a long session with the washing machine. Or looking through letter after letter from credit card companies wanting me to join to find a letter from a friend in France. Its' all about the little things. And as I've been contemplating monotony I've learned that I LIVE for the little things. 

Those little tender mercies that make life worth living. 

I challenge you this week as you go about your various monotonous activities to find the little things! Find a cool looking bubble in those suds atop piles of dishes. Find that book that rocks your world. 

Although the Lord knew life would be tough, He left a LOT of things for us to smile about. Find them.