A Day in the Life of Depression from Han's Perspective

Depression was hard. That may seem pretty obvious but there you have it just simple and straightforward. I realize that hearing about this may make you think, "Ah, why isn't this happier? I want a happy ending." But sometimes depression just isn't happy. Eventually it gets better, but at the time it more than likely won't feel like the greatest thing you've ever experienced. As I was trying to remember what it was like to have a really really depressed day I went through some of my old journals and found this. I felt the need to preface it so that you, as our readers, know that everything does work out. It does change. People will still love you. And you will always have someone that cares. So never ever for a second think that you are alone and unloved. That is never true.

So here it is... a little trip into my journal: I used to think that the key to getting over depression was never letting my reactions to situations take over but I'm starting to think it is much more complex. I feel like I'm totally alone in this. Sometimes Heavenly Father remembers me and other times I think this is just all my fault. It's frustrating to never see an end to misery. It makes being happy so not worth it.I just don't get it. I'm worthless on so many levels. I guarantee no one will notice if I'm gone. And it's not like people need me. They would be just fine.
I hate that I feel like that cause I know it's so wrong. I just don't know what to do or who to go to. No one seems to have an answer and my prayers have become pointless because they are just a repetition every night of how much I wish things were different. I don't even think my friends want to be with me anymore. They spend a night with me and realize how miserable I make them feel. This just isn't fair. But maybe it is... Maybe I deserve to feel like this because of something I did wrong.

Wow. That was hard to copy and paste. My perspective on life has much been refreshed since that experience as I have learned that I will never be worthless! I am important and I can bless so many people. This also applies to each of you! So even if you don't have depression while reading this, I hope that the take home message for you can be that you are never alone. That our Heavenly Father always loves you. That the Savior knows what you have felt and wants to help you because He loves you. And ultimately that I've been there too and I did it!!

So love who you are! Love your flaws and work on them, but don't let them define you. And know that with each bad day, there will be a million better days ahead if you just 

keep moving forward.