Just as Hannah did, I would like to share a portion of something that was written in my journal. Writing for me has been such a huge outlet, because I feel that it is one of my very best talents. My words are everything to me.
"...I choose to write it matter-of-factly because the alternative is a sad, hopelessly unhappy version that ends with me talking in circles and mentally solving nothing.
Why am I so afraid of emotion? Truly, I fear expressing them. And why? I have no idea. I have thought of going to see a counselor or something, but what would I even say to them? My words always come out wrong when I'm trying to explain myself. Maybe because I can't explain myself because I'm confused how I feel to begin with.
Where is my faith? Where is my trust in Heavenly Father? Don't I know by now that He is looking out for me? Don't I know that He can get me through anything? Maybe I keep getting torn again and again becasue I am not yet humbled enough. ..."
This was written just as I felt myself slipping into depression, before I was seeing Martha (my therapist). It is insane to read back through some of these entries and see how much I've been through, and how far I've come. What an incredibly terrifying, freeing experience I've had.
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